Being a parent that is. It's not like I thought it would be easy either. Sometimes it is though. Sometimes everything goes smoothly and you feel like a real pro. Those times are great. But really, the hard times aren't even that bad. Pretty much every day with my little bunny is fabulous. But sometimes you can't help but feel like you are messing things up. Like this first child is the experiment to see how things are really supposed to be done so that by the time the second rolls around it's a lot easier. Habits that you have unfortunately created now with this one won't happen with the second because you will know better, right?
I admit, there are probably some things that I should have pushed a little more at this point (like sleeping in her crib) but my child is happy and that's what's important, right? So what if I subscribe to the gypsy style of parenting (I'm not that bad, really), I love my baby and she knows it and I think that's really what matters. Basically since the day I found out I was expecting everything has been about her. That's the way I think it should be. Obviously not at the expense of me or my relationship with my Husband but really you can't help but make everything about her.
Now that I am back at work and have some time to think I have vowed to start taking better care of myself. For me but also for Miss Stevie too because she needs a momma who is healthy and happy with who she is. One of the first steps to this is recognising that I am a good mom. One of the things I noticed about having kids is that there instantly are a million judgements about how things should be done. How you feed them, how you put them to sleep, what they wear, play with, etc. It can be exhausting and also a little challenging. It creates a bit of a paranoia that you will never be good enough at it and that something will always go wrong. Some of that is self inflicted though. I mean someone may make a comment to you that is totally innocent but then you internalise that to the point where you feel like you were being judged when really that was not the intent. I for sure have done this and it has made me question myself. But you know what? I'm a great mom to Stevie and so now I am making a promise not to second guess myself. Yes, something's might not work for others, and yes, I could for sure do things differently but we've got to do what works right?
In life things are always changing so I look at this parenting process as an on-going learning opportunity that presents many challenges and a whole lot more victories. And if in the very least, I love her with all my heart things should work out. And if they don't I'll just blame it on her Dad!
